


Forbidden

by Kabella



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Smut, Terrorcest - Freeform, airport watching, girl-next-door, self conscious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25273732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella
Summary: Nikki takes Mick up on his suggestion to meet a friend. Tommy tries to be supportive of Nikki's endeavor, but struggles to accept the reality of it, despite Nikki's insistence that nothing between them changes.
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the other story from my Wattpad book that I said that I'd post today. 
> 
> Yesterday's was Nikki having a hard time with Tommy going out. Today's is the reverse situation.
> 
> This story jumps off from Chapter 1 of the story I posted yesterday, I'll Always be Here to Hold Your Hand, so I'm not going to repost that chapter here. 
> 
> A few keys things to remember from that chapter:
> 
> \- Mick, is not happy about T&N's relationship. He offered for Nikki to meet one of Emi's friends. He doesn't give a formal answer. Instead Nikki tries to reason with Mick about what he has with Tommy. Nikki comes home feeling attacked and is upset.
> 
> \- Tommy, at the end of the chapter, tells Nikki that he'll always be there to hold his hand. Nikki replies, " Except when you're holding Heather's hand." That's where this story picks up.
> 
> There's an OC girl introduced. She's kept in the background, and I don't go into great detail about what she and Nikki do, it's more so implied. I write Terrorcest, so I didn't want to deviate from that. 
> 
> Btw, I still haven't resumed my writing. :(  
> ‐-------

Nik, don't rub that in my face," Tommy admonishes.

"I'm not. It's just the hard truth. My reality."

"Nikki, I would proudly hold your hand anywhere we go. If I could...... I'm sorry, love. I know it must be hard for you sometimes."

"I'm sorry, for making you feel badly about that. It's not your fault. We're in this together, the way it is. I didn't mean that."

"I know, Nikki. I wish sometimes I could live 2 different lives. Maybe someday things will be different. I love you 100%. I just wish that I could give you 100%."

"I know, Tommy. I'm not upset."

"Well, your tears say otherwise," Tommy says, using his fingers to wipe one away.

"Just needed to vent."

"Wanna take your aggression out another way?" Tommy dares to ask. "I wouldn't mind if you have to unleash some of it on me."

"Can't say no to that," Nikki says, looking up with a weak smile.

Tommy gently pushes Nikki onto his back on the bed, then leans in to kiss him for starters.

\--------------------------------

The next morning, Tommy gets out of bed, leaving Nikki asleep. Tommy felt Nikki tossing and turning through the night. Not something that's typical for him, as he's usually a fairly still and sound sleeper. Tommy is positive that Nikki is wrestling with stuff in his head. He wants him to know that he's here for him, all the way. Everything he can give, while they're here, away from the homefront. He crafts a simple breakfast and brings it into the bedroom.

"Nikki, love. Wake up," Tommy says, gently shaking him awake, beaming widely.

Nikki blinks his eyes and stretches. "I'm tired still," Nikki croaks out, voice crackly.

"Do you want to go back to sleep? It's after 12. I brought you breakfast," Tommy says, pushing Nikki's messy hair out of his eyes.

"I'm good to stay up, I think," Nikki says, sporting a drowsy smile.

"Good. I've been thinking of things that we could do today. Um, to start, here's coffee and 2 waffles for you. I also sliced up an apple. There may or may not be some blood and skin in there," Tommy says, holding up his bandaged finger.

"You, of all people, can't use a knife?" Nikki jokes.

"I guess I should have used my switchblade. Kitchen knives aren't my thing," Tommy says, leaning in to kiss Nikki.

"Thank you, T. I appreciate it," Nikki says, taking the cup of coffee from Tommy.

\-------------------------------

**After breakfast and a round of morning sex, Nikki and Tommy get dressed. Tommy wants to go out and spend the day with Nikki around the city.**

"Hey, Tom?"

"What's up?" Tommy calls out from the bathroom, doing his hair.

"How long are you going to be?"

"Not long. And, oh. If it's OK, I just need to call Heather really quick to let her know that we're settled and everything is good up here."

"That's fine. You don't have to ask me. I'm just going to go over to Mick's for a minute. I feel like I need to clear the air, OK?"

"Alright. I hope you 2 come to a resolution. I'm here though if things get weird."

"It will be fine. We said what we had to say last night. I'm just going to extend the olive branch."

\--------------------------------

Nikki knocks on the door, and lets himself in. "Hey, Vin. How was your first night here?"

"Hey..... It was decent. I actually went out to the strip club last night. There's one less than 5 minutes from here. Girls were OK. David Lee Roth is right, I wish they all could be California girls."

"You know the Beach Boys wrote that song, and sang it first?"

"No shit? Well, they sure as hell didn't have a video with hot babes like Dave's."

"As a songwriter, I just like to give credit where credit is due."

"Well, you can't credit them with Dave's selection of hot women in the video."

"One track mind, fool. Hey, is Mick here?"

"Just follow the chords. He's in his room. Can't you hear him?"

"Just distracted I guess. Thanks."

"Hey, Nik," Vince calls out as he's walking past him. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

 **Nikki knocks on Mick's bedroom door**.

"I told you to fuck-off!"

"Mick, it's me."

"What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

"Hey, uh thanks I guess. Look, I was doing a lot of thinking last night, and while I still think what I do behind closed doors is none of your business, I decided that maybe I'll meet that girl. Maybe it will be meant to be or something. No promises."

"That's great, Nikki. And, I've been doing some thinking too. I'm really sorry for a lot of the things that I said about you, and Tommy too. I don't mean to disparage you. It's just a little bit of a hard pill to swallow. If I dare say, kind of a let down."

Nikki crinkles his brow, "What do you mean a let down."

"Come on, Nik. We're 4 good-looking guys. Women chasers. And you're chasing something else. Everyone is looking for your fairy tale ending. And I'm not saying that you can't be happy doing what you're doing, but I don't see it as happily ever after."

"It's hard for anyone to find happily-ever-after. Forgive me for saying this, but I'd be hard pressed to say that you, or Tommy, or Vince are still going to be with your same gals in the next 10 years. What's the fucking difference?"

"Family?"

"Mick, I'm open to finding someone to start a family with some day. I don't think that now is my time. Chances are, I'll find someone, and 5 years later we'll be divorced with custody issues. I'm not worried about it. There are thousands of girls out there who dream about making babies with me. I can find one if I get desperate enough. Might be easier than a divorce and family court."

"People can live happily-ever-after, you know. My parents, Tommy's, Vince's."

"But not mine, right? I don't know any better. But, whatever. Let me know when Emi sets something up. Hey, you haven't told her anything, right?"

"No, Nikki. I know better."

"Just checking. There are other things that I thought you knew better too."

"I know a lot more than you."

"Being older has its advantages, doesn't it?" Nikki smirks, walking out.

\------------------------------

**Nikki goes back home, and soon hits the city with Tommy. They have a good day,and arrive home around 9pm.**

"What do you want to do tonight? Movie? Sex?" Tommy asks.

"Yes to both," Nikki says, hitting the play button on the answering machine.

One message is from Mick, telling Nikki that Emi and her friend are going to fly up here next weekend.

Tommy hears the message. "What's that about? Who's Emi's friend? Donna?"

"No, not Donna. Someone she knows personally. Um, she wants me to meet this friend. Thinks that I'll like her."

"What? A blind date?" Tommy questions with a confused look upon his face.

"Yeah. I just thought I'd see if there' anything. Doesn't hurt," Nikki says, shrugging.

"I didn't think you were ready for dating."

"Who says anything about dating. Just meeting someone."

"OK, Nik."

"What? Do you have a problem with this?"

"No, I don't. I just didn't think that you were ready to start meeting people. You even said yourself, that you have too much on your plate right now, you know with the album and stuff."

"It's nothing, Tom."

Tommy doesn't like this. Part of it is that he's personally not ready to share Nikki. He knows that inevitably that he'd probably have to at some point, but he didn't know so soon. Not that meeting someone one time means anything, but he's not quite sure if he's even ready to see Nikki on a date or bringing someone home to fuck. This was supposed to be their time together, alone. That aside, he doesn't think that Nikki is mentally capable of any sort of relationship yet. He knows how to handle Nikki's ups and downs and bad behavior. Someone new, has no clue what they're in for. He's sure Nikki is either just doing this for show or because he's insecure about something. But, right now, he doesn't want to make this an issue.

"OK. Hey, lock the door, find some snacks. Slip into something more comfortable. I'm going to find a movie."

"Sounds good," Nikki replies.

\------------------------------

A few days later, it was Monday, and the band started in the studio, working on demos with their producer. They had a productive week. Mick and Tommy shot each other a few sideways glances, but for the most part, everyone was on the same page. Nikki and Tommy enjoyed their first week, alone at their own place, something that wasn't possible in L.A. for more than a day, maybe 2, depending on the work schedule and travel of Tommy's wife. It's now Friday, and Emi and her friend, Jessie, are due to arrive around 5:30 at the Vancouver airport. When the band finished up in the studio, Mick told Nikki that he got another limo to drive him to the airport to pick up the girls. They each have a hotel room nearby, but Mick is going to bring them to the apartment first. He asks if Nikki wants to come along for the ride. He declines, opting to go home in the other limo to the apartments.

"What do you want to do for dinner, love?" Tommy asks.

"Uh, I think that I might be eating out tonight with Mick and Emi, and uh, that girl," Nikki says, nervously running his fingers through his hair.

"Oh, that's OK. I thought maybe you were all waiting until tomorrow to meet."

"Well, I guess because they'll be here early enough, so there's still time to get dinner."

"Dude, your pacing. Are you nervous?" Tommy snickers.

"Me? Why would I be nervous meeting someone?" Nikki says, trying to play it cool.

"I don't know, man. You can pick up any woman you want, but you seem to be on edge."

"I guess because it's a set-up. I don't really like that."

"Then why did you tell Mick that you'd meet her?"

"Serendipity."

"What the hell is that?"

"Kismet."

Tommy is shaking his head, still not understanding.

"Destiny. Something meant to be."

"Do you really believe that?" Tommy smirks. "Especially when there's stupid words to describe it."

"I don't know. It's just that it was brought up, and I kept thinking that maybe it was brought up for a reason. Maybe it's supposed to be my time."

"Maybe, Sixx," Tommy says, thinking that Nikki is reading too much into this. It's just another girl. A girl who's into Nikki Sixx. What's new. "Come on, love, sit down and spend time with me while we still have time."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, baby. I know. It's the weekend. Um, I should be here with you," Nikki says, a pained expression on his face.

Tommy pulls him in for a kiss. "I'll be OK, love. Maybe I'll see what Vince is doing tonight. Or maybe I'll get a shitload of snacks, wrap a cozy blanket around myself, and rent a movie or watch some porn."

"That makes me want to stay home," Nikki says, nuzzling into Tommy.

\----------------------------------

Mick calls around 6:30 to tell Nikki that he's back at this apartment with the girls. He tells Nikki to hurry up and stake his claim because Vince is eyeballing Emi's friend.

Nikki hangs up the phone, and starts swinging his arms, bringing them to a clap a few times. "Well, uh, They're home, so I guess I'm going over there. Uh, or I can just stay you know. I can go out tomorrow."

"Nikki, it's fine. Go have fun. Really. I love you, and I know you love me. I want you to have fun. And stop being so fucking nervous. I've never seen you like this," Tommy says.

"I'm not nervous."

"Then why is your shirt buttoned up wrongly?" Tommy smirks.

Nikki looks down to examine his shirt. "My shirt is fine," Nikki growls.

"I'm just fucking with you, dummy."

"Come on, Tom. How do I look?" Nikki says, running his hand through his hair.

"You're really asking me how you look? You look sexy and handsome every minute of the day to me. Even when you look like shit."

Nikki crinkles his brow at that nonsensical statement. "Maybe I should have eased off on my hair a little bit. Too much hair spray?"

"Fuck, Nikki. Stop already. You look exactly like you. Just go already."

"OK. Oh, my boots. I need footwear, right?" Nikki smiles, feeling stupid, as he slips them on.

Tommy gets up off the couch, and grabs Nikki by the collar to nudge him towards the door.

"Sure you're not trying to get rid of me?"

"Go!" Tommy says, opening the door. "Hold on. Come back." Tommy abruptly pulls him back to plant a lasting kiss on Nikki's lips. "Now go. Love you."

Nikki nods, stepping out. Tommy slams the door on him once he's out. It was a joke, but the more Nikki was prolonging his walk out the door, the harder it was getting for Tommy to let him go.

Tommy sits back down and feels a pang. It's not that Nikki is with a girl. He's been with several girls since he and Tommy first got together. There were girls on tour, girls at his house on occasion, strip clubs, and even sneaking around with the young female staff at rehab. But this was different. It's a date. And to make it worse, it's in response to Mick's dissent regarding their secret relationship. Tommy decides that he'll call Vince in a little bit to keep him engaged and distracted.

\--------------------------------

Nikki arrives at the apartment. He's going to just let himself in, but he needs a minute to get his nerves in check. He's actually hoping the girl is ugly. That will just make the night so much easier, as he won't be pursuing anything further.

He grabs the doorknob and walks in, immediately scanning for Vince or Mick to focus his eyes on.

"Hey," is all he can say walking in. Vince is immediately in his view, right in front of him.

"You better grab hold of this one, Sixx," Vince smiles, slapping Nikki on the back.

Nikki sees Emi next, and goes in to hug her, "Hi Nikki. Good to see you. Let me introduce you to my friend, Jessie. Jess, I don't think an introduction is necessary. This is Nikki," Emi says, stepping out of the way.

A petite, brown-haired girl, with sparkling eyes, and a wide smile with dimples, steps into view. "Hi Nikki," she says, in a shaky tone, holding out her hand for a handshake.

"Hi Jessie," Nikki smiles, taking her hand to kiss instead.

The girl blushes. "Oh my god. I feel so silly. I guess I'm a little star struck. I told myself to play it cool, but I don't think that I'm doing a good job," Jessie giggles.

"It's OK. I don't bite," Nikki says, feeling more comfortable, probably because the girl is nervous herself. He thinks that she's adorable too. Not a sexy vixen type girl, but that girl who's always been your best friend. Your go-to, your pick-me-up, your fun buddy, only to realize too late you should have been more than friends, and she's gone and married someone else.

"Emi told me that you're actually really laid back and easy to get along with, but wow. I have to say that you're 10 times more handsome in person," Jessie squeaks out.

Mick comes bursting out of his bedroom. "Hey Nik. C'mon let's go. Limo is here, and I've made reservations." He grabs Emi's hand and leads the way out the door. Nikki motions for Jessie to go in front of him, and he follows. Vince boots him in the ass on the way out the door. Nikki shoots him a hard glare.

\-----------------------------------

Nikki creaks the front door open around 1:15am. He sees Tommy asleep on the couch. MTV blasting away. He slips his boots off, then reaches for the remote to turn the volume down. Nikki kneels in front of Tommy, and runs his hand through his hair. Tommy opens his eyes, a smile drawing across his face immediately, as he sees his lover before him, home safe.

"I'm home. Let's go to bed," Nikki says, leaning in to kiss Tommy.

"How was it? Did you have fun?" Tommy says, propping himself up on his elbow.

"We had fun. I liked her," Nikki reveals.

"I'm glad, love," Tommy says, actually feeling disappointed that Nikki liked the girl.

"What did you do tonight?" Nikki asks, still stroking Tommy's hair.

"Vince came by for a while. We watched a movie. I guess I fell asleep afterwards," Tommy says, yawning.

"I missed you. Let's go to bed. If you're sleepy, I'll hold you while you fall back to sleep. And if you're not sleepy, let's have some fun."

"I am sleepy, but you know damn well that I'll never turn down an invitation for fun," Tommy says, reaching up to connect with his lover's lips.

\---------------------------------

**The next morning. Both Tommy and Nikki are awake, getting out of bed after more sex.~**

"I love waking up to you every morning," Nikki says, looking out the window to get an idea about the weather.

"Me too, love. How's it look out there?"

"Sunny and breezy," Nikki reports.

"Nice. Um, what are your plans today? Are you seeing that girl?"

"Yeah. And her name is Jessie."

Tommy can't hide the disappointment on his face, as he sits on the edge of the bed, finishing a cigarette. Nikki notices. He comes in front of Tommy, plucks the burnt down stick from Tommy's hand, stubbing it out, then takes him by the jaw to kiss him.

"It's just one day, T. It doesn't mean anything. I come home to you," Nikki ressures Tommy.

"I know. I'll still miss you though."

"Don't think for one second that I don't miss you too."

"Maybe I can come with you," Tommy jokes.

"I don't think you'll like that, Tom."

"Why? Did you kiss last night?"

"If it bothers you, no. If it doesn't, yes."

"That means yes. It's OK, Nik. You can tell me. I can handle it," Tommy says, but not really meaning it. He's pretty sure that Nikki hasn't kissed anyone else but him since they've been together. Well, excluding that nurse, but that was really a drug exchange, more than a kiss. He can't be sure, but he knows Nikki doesn't kiss groupies, strippers, and fans. Yet, he's kissed this girl that he's only known for a few hours. Nikki's lips, which were exclusively his for months, are now being shared, and he doesn't like it.

"Do you want me to not go? I can cancel things." Nikki asks, sensing Tommy is not quite OK with it.

"Come on, Nik. I would never limit you. While the offer is touching, I'm just busting on you. I know where your heart is," Tommy replies, with a false smile.

"I know this is different for you. Just please let me know if anything ever bothers you. I don't ever want to hurt you. OK?"

Tommy pulls Nikki by his arm onto the bed and wrestles himself on top of him. "No need to sound like a pussy. I'm good, I promise you, love," Tommy says, connecting his lips to Nikki's again.

\------------------------------------------------

By early afternoon, Nikki is on his way out the door to meet up with Jessie, Emi, and Mick. The two couples eat lunch together, but then split apart to have alone time. Mick and Emi immediately head back to Emi's hotel for sex and lots of it. Nikki and Jessie spend time visiting shops and sites, getting to know one another. Nikki really likes the girl's positive attitude and free spirit. She's easy to talk to and doesn't seem to possess the same qualities as a love-struck groupie, meaning that she speaks her own mind and doesn't hang on to every word that Nikki utters just because he said it. It feels natural to him. After dinner, they discuss going back to Jessie's hotel room. It was actually Nikki's suggestion. Jessie agrees, and they wind up spending the night together.

All day, Tommy has been finding ways to occupy himself. He called Heather and a few other friends in L.A. He spent some more time with Vince, and wound up going out to dinner with him and then to a strip club. When he finally returned home, he played the messages back. One was from Nikki, saying that he wouldn't be home tonight. He told him that he loves him and misses him and will see him tomorrow. Tommy's eyes are immediately flooded with tears. He can't explain it. He knows that he has no place to feel like this, as Nikki has been in the same shoes since the start of this all, as Tommy spends the majority of his time at home with Heather. But Nikki said that he'd come home to him, and now he's not. He tells himself over and over again that things are OK, and that he just has to get a grip.

He yet again watches another movie, eats tons of food, and wraps himself in a cozy blanket on the couch, but he still can't help but to miss his best buddy next to him. He decides to stay out on the couch to sleep, not wanting to retreat to his empty bed. Finally around 2am, and with the aid of some sleeping pills, Tommy falls asleep.

\--------------------------------------

Tommy comes to the next morning to a very still and lonely house. No one to say good morning to, no one to wrap his arms around, no good morning kiss. He rubs his face and switches MTV on, turning it up. Unfortunately it's Sunday morning and the video selection is of a more genteel nature. These stupid sappy pop songs are doing him no good as he lies sprawled out on the couch. He decides that his only 2 distractions right now are making breakfast and a shower. It's been a few days for that.

\-----------------------------

Nikki finally returns home around 1:30pm. By now, Jessie and Emi are at the airport, awaiting their flight home. He stands at the door outside, nervous about coming in. He's positive that Tommy has been upset. He doesn't know what he can do to make it better, other than loving on him and reassuring him of the stability of their relationship. He opens the door to see Tommy on the couch, who immediately turns around, then gets up to greet Nikki. They fall into each other's arms.

"God, I missed you, baby," Nikki says, kissing Tommy all over his face.

"I missed you too. So much. I didn't know that you were going to be out all night," Tommy replies, allowing Nikki to devour him.

Nikki pulls away for a moment, "I'm sorry, T. I was so torn. Believe me when I tell you how much I missed you. I'm just in a really weird place. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize, Nik. I get it, OK? I mean, I was disappointed last night. I thought that you were coming home, but I understand. Really. Please don't think I'm upset with you or that I don't support you. I think that I just need some time to adjust to the concept of sharing you."

"I appreciate you trying to work with this. But listen, she's a great girl. I think that I might want to see her again. We had a lot of fun, but you're the one I love," Nikki says, pulling Tommy back in for a secure embrace.

"I love you too," Tommy says, breathing him in, as he melts into the embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm leaving on a jet plane.....

Tommy tries to forget about last night. He's feeling a need to cater to Nikki, starting by fixing lunch for him, followed by a blowjob on the couch. Nikki starts to feel sleepy by late afternoon and opts for a nap. Tommy's a little disappointed because he wanted to spend all the time he could, that's left in the weekend, with him.

He sits on the bed, as Nikki tucks in under the covers, and strokes his back to lull him to sleep. Nikki is out within 2 to 3 minutes. Tommy stays to rub his back for a while longer. Then actually decides to go out to get dinner. Maybe Mexican, one of Nikki's favorites. He's gotta look in the phone book and find a place within a reasonable walking distance.

Tommy does go out, and returns with the take-out. He puts some kick-ass music on the stereo, and decides to wake Nikki up. The longer he sleeps, the harder it will be to go to bed at night, and they're in the studio tomorrow.

Tommy leans in on the bed. "Nikki, love. Time to wake up. I got dinner ready," Tommy says, beaming at Nikki.

"Dinner? Shit, time slipped away I guess." Nikki sits up stretching.

"I got your favorite, Mexican. Well, I know it's not actually your favorite because that's back home, but I hope this place is good too."

"Thanks, Tom. Is it that place on the corner, about 6 or 7 blocks out?"

"Yeah. I took a walk."

"OK. That's good. I ate there with Jessie. It was decent."

That bums Tommy out. He thought that this would be a big surprise for Nikki.

"Oh. Um, I wish I had known. I would have asked what you like for there."

"You know I'll eat anything for the most part. You have an idea of what I like," Nikki says, walking out to the living room.

They get plates full of food and sit on the couch together.

"What'd you do last night,T?"

"Besides wait for you?"

"Shit, I'm sorry. I just was having a good time, and didn't really want to stop the momentum."

"Ha, I know, Sixx. I'm just busting on you," Tommy says, but not really meaning it. "I didn't do much. You know, just hanging out and shit."

"I had a nice time actually. We went to a park. It was nice to walk along a path and actually hold someone's hand."

"Come on, Nik. You know I would if I could."

"I know, Tom. I'm just saying. I've actually haven't done something like that in a long time. It felt good."

"Shit, Sixx. If we could, I'd let you hold my dick while strolling around town. We just can't."

"I'm sorry, Tom. I didn't mean to make that sound like a comparison."

"Well, it doesn't exactly warm my heart the way it does yours.

"OK. I won't say anything more about it. Sorry."

"One thing she can't do is fuck you up the ass like I do," Tommy says, getting up from the couch, in an aggressive tone.

"Tom, stop. I said I was sorry. This isn't a comparison thing. I was just sharing something that I liked that I miss."

"Well did you miss your daily ass fuck last night?"

"Would it make you feel better if I said yes?'

"Only if it's the truth."

"Whether you believe me or not, I did. I missed you, and I was thinking about you too. And not just because of sex. I did miss you. I always miss you."

"I'm sorry, Nikki. I didn't mean to get on your case. I guess it's just new for me to know that you're with someone else. Someone that you like."

"Like, Tommy. Not love. I love you."

"I know. Just don't leave me in the dust, OK?"

"Baby, I live in the dust. It's where I'm comfortable. Come here."

Tommy walks back over to the couch, and slides up to Nikki, who embraces him. "What do you want to do tonight. I'm all yours."

"I want to hold your hand," Tommy replies, nestling into Nikki.

\----------------------------

Over the week, after their studio time, Nikki spent some time on the phone with Jessie. Tommy tried to quell his jealousy, but wasn't always able to keep it under wraps. One night he called Heather, and had intentionally loud phone sex with her, howling and hollering so loudly, there was no escape from the from annoyance of it. Nikki slammed Tommy's door shut, which was propped open, then his own.

On Thursday, in the studio, Nikki introduced the band to a new song that he's been working on, "She Goes Down." Vince asked if his inspiration for the song was from recent events. Nikki beamed wide, and popped his eyebrows up, as a silent gesture to say, yes.

"Atta boy, Nik," Mick adds in, infuriating Tommy, who turns his back on the group to fiddle around with his drum kit.

Tommy knows that he may not be the most skilled at giving Nikki head, having a late start in life to learn the skill. But he believes he's come a long way, at least rivaling the average girl. He thinks actually better. He's gotten pretty good at it. What, did Jessie give him one blowjob, and now he's writing songs about it?

Tommy doesn't say much to Nikki for the rest of the day at the studio, hating every line of the new song. He wants to scream out how stupid it is. Maybe someone else should drum on this song. Tommy only can think about bashing and kicking his drum kit as part as his contribution, thinking that it might make enough racket to drown out the idiotic lyrics.

Later that evening, after work. Tommy goes straight to his room, slamming the door. Nikki senses Tommy is upset about something, so he knocks.

"I'm busy," Tommy shouts out.

"Doing what? What's wrong?" Nikki asks.

"How many blowjobs did you get over the weekend? Were they that good?"

"What are you talking about?"

Tommy pulls the door open, "You know someone for 2 days, and you're already writing songs about her. What the fuck!"

"Did you want me to tell Mick and Vince, 'No, my inspiration is Tommy?"

"Mick already knows what we do, so why not?"

"You want Vince and Bob to know too? What the fuck, Tom?"

"Well you don't need to insinuate shit like that in front of me!"

"I figured that you'd know where I get my inspiration from. I can't fucking present a song called He Goes Down," Nikki snaps.

"Well, I don't know what that girl did to you all night. Maybe she sucked on your dick all damn night, and fell asleep with it in her mouth. Maybe it blew your mind! Maybe you meant the **she** in the song."

"Come on, Tommy. Don't you know how I feel about you?"

"I know, Nik. I'm trying. I'm just not used to this," Tommy sighs. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm thinking about other things."

Nikki wraps his arms around Tommy. "I can imagine it's hard. While I like Jessie, it's nothing to worry about. Please know that I love you more than anything."

"Thanks, love. Just need to hear it sometimes," Tommy says, melting into Nikki's embrace.

After things calmed down, Tommy and Nikki went out for dinner, and then came back home with a movie rental. After watching, they decided that it's best to head to the bedroom, as they have work the next day. They have sex before going to bed. Tommy sits in the corner, smoking a cigarette before coming to bed.

"Hey, Nik. It's Memorial Day weekend. We have off on Monday. I actually got us backstage passes. Guns and Iron Maiden are coming through the city with their tour on Monday."

"Oh, fuck. I'm actually booked to go home to L.A. from early Saturday to Monday," Nikki says, feeling like shit.

"Oh. Uh, that's OK. I guess it would have been nice to let me know. But no problem, I'll go with Vince or Mick," Tommy replied. He's crushed. Why didn't Nikki tell him sooner?

"I'm sorry. I was going to tell you tomorrow. I thought it might upset you a little."

A little? How about a lot, motherfucker. "No, it's fine, Nik. Um, I just wish I knew. I would have planned to go home too. But I already have a ticket to go home next week. We don't seem to be able to coordinate our weekends very well, do we?" Tommy sports a little weak laugh.

"No, I guess not. Fuck. I should have told you. I just booked it last night. I thought this would be a good weekend to go home with the extra day."

"Yeah, maybe I should have thought about that too. Um, be back in a minute. Just gotta piss and brush my teeth."

Tommy is devastated. He's trying not to show it to Nikki. He doesn't want to be a burden on his emotions. He just needs to go to the bathroom because he feels on the verge of tears. He sits on the toilet; not to use it, just to sit, and he lights up another cigarette. He's trying to stop the tears from coming out. Nikki is allowed to do these things, just as Tommy does them himself. He tells himself over and over in his head to not take it personally. It's not personal. As for the backstage passes, he knows he's not going if it's not with Nikki. Maybe Mick and Vince will want to go with each other. After a few minutes, he feels calm enough to come to bed. Nikki is already lying down, and the lights are off. Tommy slides into bed and moves close to Nikki, but can't find the ambition to wrap his arms around him.

"Good night, T. Love you."

"Love you too."

\--------------------------------

The next day, Tommy did his best to not show any negative emotions. He had to be called to attention a few times while in the studio, caught in a daze more than once. After work, their producer suggested a group dinner to celebrate a productive week. Tommy isn't overly happy about it. It's just cutting into his personal time with Nikki. Although, he's not quite sure if he's able to fake his way through a long, happy night with Nikki, knowing he'll be off enjoying a long weekend, fucking, getting blow jobs, and holding hands with some chick he barely even knows.

After dinner, at home, Nikki takes a little time to pack a suitcase, then asks what Tommy wants to do tonight.

"Not much, Nik. I have a pounding headache. I think that I need to lay down," Tommy lies.

"What can I do to help? Need some aspirin? Can I massage your neck or back or something to help you feel better? I wanted to spend the night close to you since I'm leaving in the morning."

"I know, love. I've just been a little out of it all day. I think that I might be coming down with something."

"Oh OK. Well, can I lie down with you? Going to bed early would actually be pretty smart. My flight is around 8:30am."

"Yeah, that's fine, Nik. I'm just not feeling well enough to, well you know," Tommy sniffles.

"It's OK. As long as I'm with you. My bed, so I can set my alarm?"

Both laid in Nikki's bed for a few hours, not talking much, watching TV, until they eventually fell asleep; Nikki rubbing Tommy's back, going out mid-rub.

\----------------------------

The alarm that Nikki set the night before, goes off. Nikki hits it before it wakes Tommy up. He doesn't want to get out of bed. It's raining, and would be a perfect morning to sleep in and snuggle under the warm blankets. Yet, he's got a plane to catch. Within a half hour, he's ready to leave, and a limo is waiting for him.

"Hey, Tom?" Nikki says, lightly shaking Tommy to wake him. Tommy blinks his eyes open.

"How are you feeling?" Nikki asks.

"Sleepy. Are you leaving?" Tommy replies, in a raspy voice.

"Yeah. I didn't want to wake you up, but I had to tell you that I love you and I'll miss you."

"Same. Be safe, OK?"

"I will. See you in a few days. I'll call you," Nikki says, leaning in to kiss Tommy.

Tommy listens to the front door shutting. From Nikki's bedroom, which has a window closer to the parking lot, he can hear a car door slam about 20 seconds later, and then the sound of a vehicle pulling away.

Tommy just lets the tears start flowing. They don't stop for a long time, as he lies, lonely, in the bed, hugging Nikki's pillow.

\-----------------------------------

Nikki arrives at the airport, checks in, and waits to board at the gate. He's feeling a pang. He knows Tommy is upset that he's leaving, even though he never came out and said it. He'll call him immediately upon arriving at his L.A. home. As he awaits, nervous, knee bouncing, in his usual disguise of sunglasses and a hat, he sees two men sitting next to each other, across the aisle. They're not interacting, but for an occasional comment, as one reads a magazine and the other sits and stares, gazing around. But what strikes him, is that there's a bulky coat lying across the lap of one, overflowing to the gap between the connected seats; two arms half hidden underneath the coat. They're holding hands. "Forbidden" love, hidden from view.

One of the gentlemen notices Nikki's stare, even behind the sunglasses. He pulls his arm out, and runs it through his hair; his partner looking at him in question. Nikki looks away. His staring wasn't of disapproval, as they're probably used to, but rather longing. The gate employee announces that first class can board, and on his way to the line, he approaches the couple. He doesn't know how to fix what just happened, other than patting the guy on the shoulder, and telling him that he was sorry for staring, that he just got caught in a daze. The guy just nods.

\------------------------------------

Back at the apartment. Tommy cried himself back to sleep. He wakes up again, and rolls over towards Nikki's side. It's empty and cool to the touch. He sees the clock beyond it. It's a bit before noon. Tommy guesses that Nikki has arrived in L.A. by now. Maybe he'll call when he gets home. Should be pretty soon. Tommy doesn't know if he's ready to talk to him. He might let the answering machine pick up. He's not in the mood to get out of bed anyway. What's there to do?

Tommy sees a few used tissues invading his space. He was crying pretty ugly before, when Nikki left. He sweeps them off onto the floor, and as he's lifting himself up to check if there are any others tucked underneath him, he hears the front door close. Who just came in? Nikki must have forgotten to lock the door. Tommy hears the person approach the bedroom door. His heart is pounding fast, not sure if it's Vince or Mick or maybe someone who's here to murder him. The door creaks open. Tommy is scared and reaches for the base of the brass lamp to his side, poised and ready to use it as a weapon if needed, when suddenly Nikki is in his view.

Tommy, relieved that it's not someone here to kill him, yet shocked to see Nikki, who he thought left the country, can only say, "Nik?" letting his grip slip off the lamp.

"Hey. I thought you might still be in bed."

"Did you miss your flight?"

"Kind of. Maybe accidentally on purpose."

"What happened? When are you going?"

"I'm not," Nikki says, as he starts to disrobe himself.

"How come? What happened?"

"I couldn't get on the plane. I couldn't leave. I could leave you," Nikki reveals climbing into bed, next to Tommy.

"Nik, you didn't have to miss your flight for me."

"Yeah, I did. I need to be here with you," Nikki says, kneeling before Tommy, as he rubs lube on himself, which he reached for before getting onto the bed.

Nikki gets on top of Tommy and spreads the drummers legs apart. He pushes himself in, and then immediately connects his lips with Tommy's.

Tommy pulls aways from the kiss. "I would have been OK. I didn't mean for you to change plans. I don't want to be the reason---"

Nikki puts his finger up to Tommy's lips to shush him, leaning back in for a kiss, while he continues to thrust into Tommy.

Nikki pulls away from kissing, "I love you Tommy. I don't want to be anywhere else this weekend than here with you. I couldn't leave. I knew you were upset, and I was too."

"Oh my god, Nikki. You didn't have to. I mean I was upset, but--- holy shit, you feel good," Tommy says, panting as he's coming out of the shock that Nikki's home, and begins realizing that he's being fucked. "I wasn't expecting this. Oh my god."

"You feel so good, Tommy. I haven't done this in awhile. We usually reverse it."

"Nik, just a word of advice. Don't go right to sex with a girl if she's upset. It doesn't work that way. You gotta hold her and let her cry and talk and shit. Don't even bring up sex. OK?"

"Is that so. Well damn. What do I know," Nikki says, picking up his pace.

"Just saying. I could have used a cry and a hug, but um, this works too. God, Nikki, I love you," Tommy gasps.

"I love you too. I promise, next time I'll talk to you before making plans."

"Nikki, you don't have to. I just have to learn how to deal better."

"Yes, I do. I have to, because I love you and respect you, and you'll always be my first love and my forever love."

"What about Jessie? I feel badly."

"Called her already. It's good."

"I thought you were there already. Your flight was early, and it's after 12 now."

"Stopped somewhere else on my way home from the airport. Ask me where?"

"Oh fuck, Nikki. Ohhh, you feel so good. Keep doing that. Uh, where, love?"

"Look at my chest, by the tattoo," Nikki gasps.

"It's swollen. There's something new there. Stop moving," Tommy requests, placing his hand on Nikki's chest to keep him still. "It's small and oozy. Looks like a heart with TT. What's that?"

"Us. Terror Twins. I mean, I would have liked to get bigger and not as cryptic, but well, you know. But, I just wanted something," Nikki says, picking his motion back up.

"Stop, Nik. I'm not allowed to cry during sex," Tommy says, feeling emotional.

"Go ahead, I'll pretend it's because I'm just too good," Nikki groans.

"Just kiss me, lover."

Nikki leans back in, smashing their lips together; moving on to Tommy's neck soon. Tommy feels close and starts trembling. And after another few minutes he's brought to a screaming orgasm. Nikki follows, and lets go, right after.

The bassist pulls out, and lies down at Tommy's side.

"Thank you, Nikki. I can't believe how loved you make me feel. I'll never doubt you again. I just need you to help me through, OK?"

"I have a lot of learning to do too. You need to help me also. Don't hold anything in. I need to hear it. Alright?" Nikki says, playing with Tommy's hair. "I can't wait to spend this whole weekend with you. And that concert, right?"

"Yeah. I still have the passes. I wasn't going to go without you."

"Now we can have fun together," Nikki beams.

"Was Jessie upset?"

"A little. But I decided to fly out next weekend with you, when you go home. We can travel together. I already had the office book the same flight as yours."

"Now that makes good sense."

"I thought that we could go to the airport together and hold hands as we wait."

"What?" Tommy questions.

"It's just something I want to do. Just trust me on this."

**E**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fact: Iron Maiden and GNR did play in Vancouver, BC on Memorial Day in 1988.


End file.
